As it says on p.6 in the book, “Grief is exhausting. Because it was not “real”, it was “no big deal” and “I could handle it.”īut, grief unrecognized, grief denied, even grief about “small things”, accumulates. But I now realize that subconsciously, I still wanted it to work out “my way.” Even though I had not lost anything tangible, anything that ever really existed, I can still feel the pain of loss. On the surface, I accepted the outcome and moved on. I had hope for a particular outcome from a situation, but that did not happen. I have new passions in my life, and they give me joy and fulfillment.Īnd, as I started to sit with that grief, I recognized that another recent loss was also contributing to my “dis-ease”. I don’t know how much I will stay involved with my friends in the hobby and in the local activities, but it will not be with the intensity and at the level that it was in the past. I wondered why I was feeling “out of sorts”, and upon taking a brief inventory, discovered that I am grieving the loss of this thing that has been a part of my life for so many years. I just recognized my grief yesterday, the day after returning. A true irony is that the conference will be in my state next year, and my club is directly involved in planning it and will have a large showing. ![]() ![]() I am no longer interested in spending hundreds of dollars and a week of my time to gather with thousands of fellow hobbyists. I have not been doing it in any large way for several years, so maybe it was obvious that a change was coming, but I didn’t see it. I came to realize that I am no longer excited, in a fundamental way, by this hobby. Although I enjoyed the camaraderie and the events surrounding the conference, I was uninspired by the actual content. Recently, I traveled to a conference centered on a hobby I have been practicing for almost 30 years. Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, I find myself overreacting to a person or situation, becoming depressed or just irritable. Often I ignore the invitation, deciding the particular change is “no big deal” or telling myself “I can handle this.” Sometimes the culmination of all the “little” changes I haven’t addressed hits me all at once. ![]() I am invited to grieve with every change in life.
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